Why Explaining Yourself is a Trap
Why Explaining Yourself is a Trap
You’ve spent years trying to make them understand.
You’ve stayed up at night replaying conversations, thinking, If I could just say it the right way, maybe they’d finally get it.
You’ve explained your side calmly. You’ve given them the benefit of the doubt. You’ve hoped that with enough patience, enough clarity, they’d finally see the truth.
But they never do.
Not because they don’t understand. But because they don’t want to.
The Lie: "If I Explain Myself Clearly, They’ll Finally Get It."
You’ve told yourself:
If I just stay calm, they’ll listen.
If I can make them see how much this hurts me, they’ll change.
If I don’t give up on them, they’ll meet me halfway.
But that’s not how this works.
Because narcissists aren’t confused—they’re controlling.
They don’t need more information. They need you to keep talking.
The Truth: "You Can’t Win the Conversation, But You Can Control It."
You don’t need to convince them of the truth.
You don’t need them to validate your side.
You don’t need to waste time explaining what they already know.
Instead, you need to take control—by keeping it simple, clear, and fact-based.
When dealing with a narcissist, your goal is not to “win.”
If you’re co-parenting, keep it written and factual. No emotions, no explanations.
If you have to negotiate, stick to one issue at a time. They’ll try to drag you into distractions—don’t let them.
If they lie, stay on the facts. No debating, no proving them wrong. Just the facts.
This relationship will always be lopsided. You might have to give more, and you have to decide if that’s a choice you’re willing to make.
If you can walk away, walk.
If you have to work with them, stay simple, strong, and logical.
What to Do Instead
Detach First. Before you engage, stop. Breathe. Ask yourself: What do I actually need from this conversation?
Decide What You Want. Are you trying to resolve a real issue? Or are you trying to get them to see your side? If it’s the latter, don’t waste your time.
Keep It Written. If this is about co-parenting, money, or anything that requires follow-through, put it in writing.Narcissists rewrite history—documentation keeps the facts straight.
One Issue at a Time. They will try to spin five different things at once to confuse you. Stay on track.
State the Facts, Then Stop Talking. The less you explain, the less power they have.
Where Do You Go From Here?
If you’ve been stuck in the cycle of explaining, defending, and justifying, it’s not because you’re bad at communication.
It’s because you’re trying to communicate with someone who isn’t interested in truth or fairness.
You don’t need to explain yourself better. You need a new approach.
That’s exactly what you’ll get inside Do Not Let Them™: The 21-Day Challenge.
Start today with the first challenge—completely free.
You’ll learn how to stop explaining, hold your boundaries, and take control.
[ Start the First Challenge for Free ]
